Everyone's a little weird.

But can you hide your weirdness until I know you? I mean, yeah some people like to flaunt it and be like this is me. And if you are that person, I'm sure it's like a quirky, awkward weird and not like silence of the lambs I want to run for the hills weird. And to be quite honest with you, if you are bat shit crazy weird, I probably do want to know early on just to weed you out and not waste my time. But can we hide it a little better? I mean, if I can tell you are weird within the first couple of hours of  knowing you, you are not hiding it that well.

I get a decent amount of guys looking at my online profile and messaging me. But I probably only want to respond to 1 in 20 of them. Why? They don't seem to have any personality that comes through their profiles. The stereotype is that girls like to talk right? That they can talk a guy's ear off. So why do most of the guys that message me only respond with "Hi." It's not even a "hi, how are you?" "Hi, how is your day going?" Nope. Just hi. My profile specifically even says "if you start a conversation with only hi, I will not respond." Second of all, please pretend like you want to get to know me before you start off with DTF or wanna hook up? Seriously, I'm sure there are some girls that just are down for that, but wouldn't they just advertise that right off the bat? If I wanted that, don't worry, I'll let you know. Third of all, please try to have skimmed my profile and see if we'd really get along. I don't want to waste your time, and I don't want to waste my time. I know they say to play the numbers game, but just because they are physically attractive, doesn't mean you will get a long. Fourth of all, as you are skimming, If I am not using words like "u" instead of "you" or "ur" instead of "your" then I probably don't like that type of typing.

It's not that difficult to start an online relationship with someone just have a social consciousness of what message you are trying to convey and follow the other person's kind of grammatical style or general interests.

And my top 5 most weird "I just met you online but here is how I am weird" conversations are:

5) A guy, within about a day of emailing back and forth said to me "I like receiving anal. What do you think about that?" That's a weird thing to announce right off the bat, right? If that's your thing, that's cool. But I mean, if we were on the subject that's one thing but since we weren't....I kind of judge you as being weird.

4) A message I received said "You are so beautiful. I will be your slave. You can tell me to do anything for you. I will just follow you around." - Does anyone else seem creeped out by this?

3) This pertains to a previous post of the guy that said he wanted a girl with a huge ass and then proceeded to send me a profile picture of his ass asking if mine was bigger than his cartoonishly big ass. Also, within our first texting conversation.

2) A guy announced in his profile that there were legitimate circumstances for a girl to be raped.

Nope. Shut it down.

1) A guy messaged me and told me to check out his profile to see if I was interested. I went to check it out. Under "Things I like" was the following:
Guns
Violence
Rope
Blood

Does he get a little of game with that profile? Cause if so, who are the fucking weird-o girls that are saying "yes, that is ok. I want me a piece of that?!?!

I'd like to think that it's a generational thing but it is not. I have seen the gamete of 21 year olds to 50 year olds message me and only 1 in 20 seem worth responding to. Just....if it's super creepy weird then announce it to save us time. If it's quirky and endearing then I'm open to explore that type of weirdness.

Online Dating

I have online dating stories for days. And I shouldn't even call it online dating, but online interactions that don't go much further than that because they are weird.

I have a couple online dating profiles and look at them when I'm bored. I don't actively engage conversation with members of the opposite sex and haven't updated my profile in at least over a year. I do get messages from a guy here or there and most of the time either A) the only thing they say to me is "hi" (which is not a great conversation starter) or B) they have said something else other than "hi" but they have chosen to display a bathroom selfie of themselves as the picture they would like to be judged by. If they have passed the initial stage of saying something more than one word to me and have a decent picture and even may look cute, I will then proceed into their profile. Usually I find something that is a deal breaker: sexual encounter, smoker, kids, etc. At that moment, I will close up the dating online profile and call it a day.

The other day, a guy by the name of Jose messaged me with "and here i am that somebody.....hey cool girl i hope my pictures do me justice in portraying my coolness i ooze and secrete coolness from every pore LOL hey if you're cool enough then maybe just maybe ill let YOU take ME out on a date LOL (that was a joke in case u missed it or sensitive to sarcasm part of my persona) so if u like what u read and see then u know what to do!!"


Yes, the grammar drove me crazy and there is no punctuation anywhere in this message other than the end, AND he wrote u instead of you, but it was a real message and silly enough to get my attention. The picture on his profile was not a selfie and did not appear to be in the bathroom. Yes, he's on a role. I then looked inside the profile and as sarcastic and ridiculous as it was, it made me laugh and looked innocent enough. So I messaged him back. That was probably the first message I responded to in a long time. He then messaged me again asking me to text him because he didn't like checking the site that often. Ok, I can understand that. 
The proceeding explains why I don't like rushing into a texting, phone relationship when it is clear there is not any foundation to the relationship. I just needed the reminder.

Me-Hi Jose....it's me Elizabeth, the sarcastic and witty girl you messaged. How are you?


Jose-Here at your disposal. Just go easy on me.
Me-Psh, you go easy on me...and before I forget your hair looks better shorter.
Jose-Send me a pic for my contacts please. (And I send him a very, but dorkable photo for his contacts. He then sends me 4.)
Jose-So what are u doing right now and what brings u to the site
Me-Right now I'm just laying down trying to cool down. And I work a lot and don't really go out so it's hard to meet people. Yourself?
Jose-As for me looking to date and just playing it by ear and see what bestows from it. Been single for 5 months now. 
Me-Ah. I gotcha. I've been single for a lot longer than that but also just want to play it by ear
Jose-So what race was ur ex and what caused the banana split? (Why is his race relevant at all to this conversation?)
Me-My ex was white and he went back to his ex. Why did you two split. 
Jose-Went back to his ex?? I guess you weren't performing your duties ;)
Me-It was also long distance so hard to perform anything
Jose-Where did u meet him?
Me-Online...it was a while ago. (also an tale as old as time tale but another day) But we don't have to talk about him...cause that's weird. We have plenty of other things to talk about.
Fast forward a few texts.
Me-What type of girls are you into?
Jose-well for me I love short thick girls and I have a thing for big butts. Lol. No pressure. Has to be funny loyal honest and sincere. Affectionate great kisser and cuddler. Lovable caring and just overall fun to be around with.....well......do you qualify my dear?
Me-I know I'm a great cuddler. I got that locked. The rest, I would say yes. And maybe too honest at times but overall I'd say I'm more genuine but in general yes.
Jose-Even the big butt part??
Me-Yes. Per many telling me. Not like corporate big ass but like tasteful big ass
Jose-Well lets just hope your butt is bigger than my cottage cheese butt ;)
Me-Haha yeah it would be embarrassing if we could wear the same size pants. 

Jose then sends me the following picture:



with the caption: "I don't think you're ready for this jelly ;)"






Jose-What do you think? 

Me-Uh, I'm going to go to bed. Night. 
I. Don't. Get. It. 

Dear single, normal, good sense of humor male....please save me soon. 

"For good and evil do not exist in themselves, each is simply the absence of the other." Jose Saramago

Jose Saramago is a Portuguese author. I picked up his book "The Gospel of Jesus Christ" in Lagos after walking into the bookstore and asking for a Portuguese author. In Italy I hadn't had time to read, but in Ireland I read James Joyce's the Dubliners, in England I read Sherlock Holmes so I thought that reading from a Portuguese author in Portugal would be a great idea. I wanted a Portuguese author to write about his travels or experiences in Portugal but I am enjoying this book. It won the Nobel Prize of Literature a few years ago so I had always known about it. It's difficult to read because the author does not break down the conversations and keeps them in very long paragraphs but it's still interesting. That is where the quote comes from for my blog post.

Riding into Lisbon on the bus we were in traffic. While in traffic I saw 2 car accidents. I felt like I was home!

Lisbon. Lisboa. I loved it. So in Faro and Lagos I mentioned that the streets weren't regular cement but were smaller smooth stones that created a pattern around the streets. Lisbon is much the same. They are super slippery so if you go, get shoes that have good traction. Anyway, much of the streets are lined with white stones and the black stones create the pattern. White and black are also the colors for Lisbon so it all fit. 

Coming into Lisbon from Lagos I kept thinking "this totally reminds me of San Francisco. Oh this looks like the Golden Gate Bridge". I later found out that the designer of the bridge in Portugal also designed the Golden Gate Bridge. Hmm no wonder it looked familiar. Anyway, Lisbon apparently is one of the oldest cities in Europe if not the oldest because of its location on the Atlantic. It was used as an advantage point and many a ships sailed from the Belem Tower for their Portuguese expeditions. I went by the Belem Tower and it was kind of cool and not what I would have imagined had someone told me "that's where they sailed all their expeditions from." I can't describe it but I liked visiting that area and realizing, they made history here. They literally made history by looking for something new. 

Lisbon's graffiti was pretty cool too. For those of you that don't know, I really like taking pictures of graffiti from the different places I have visited. Either it is significant of the city, beautiful and someone should notice it or completely random. Well in Lisbon it wasn't full on graffiti but they had paintings that covered the whole side of a building that were just beautiful and made the city feel beautiful. Also, I did not know this but Lisbon is known for their tiled buildings and tile as art. I have pictures as samples and brought a couple of pieces home. 

For those of you that don't know, I went to Portugal to try and discover my roots. My last name is Americanized Portuguese. Hundreds of immigrants that came through Ellis Island had their surnames changed or "Americanized" so that Americans had an easier time to pronounce and spell them. Many Americans assimilated and embraced this new identity. My family was amongst those hundreds of thousands that did. We believe that my great, great grandfather was illiterate and didn't know how to spell his last name of Amaral and it was Americanized to Emerald. I did some research in Italy to try and find out where my Italian family was from only to discover my Portuguese side was from Azores, the islands off the coast of Portugal. It was then decided I was going to Portugal. To travel to the islands was EXPENSIVE. No thank you madam, I do not have 700 euros (which would be about 1200 dollars) to travel for 4 days to the islands. Off season for me please. Either way, I would still travel to Lisbon to experience Portugal. 

In Lisbon, at my hostel, I told two guys of my quest to get my family coat of arms or a family crest. One guy who's name I never learned was really interested and wanted me to succeed because he wanted to do the same. He told me that John Emerald was probably João Amaral. But because Amaral was so common I should see if there is a second name like De Amaral or D'Amaral, etc. So with this new information I went back to looking and found that there was a Joao Amaral who sponsored a man and woman to come over from the islands and was born in the same year as my great great grandfather so it could be him. I tried to go to the registrars office in Lisbon to see if I could get a birth  certificate but alas because I did not speak the language no one was able or wanted to help me. So I will soon put my sister's Portuguese to use and have her inquire further once I return to California. Although I did not succeed in my quest for my family crest, my search is not over. 

One of the owners of the hostel kept trying to get me to talk to the other people at the hostel and kept introducing me to everyone. The group that she made me sit with were talking about smoking, tobacco and other drugs. Uh....I have nothing to contribute to that conversation. Anyway, at the hostel I did make a friend, Pedro. His second name is Tiago and I was like "Oh can I call you PT?" And he said "yes....but don't you think it sounds like pity?" "Oh....yeah Pedro it is then." Anyway, he was very cute and very nice and I enjoyed talking to him and getting to know him. He was asking me about things he had seen on TV and if it was true or not. Don't worry, we exchanged information and plan to be Facebook and emailing friends. And I have a friend to visit next time I'm in Portugal. He also made a special Portuguese meal for the people at the hostel if they wanted to contribute. It was really good with bread, clams, prawns, olive oil, salt, cilantro and I think that's it. We made a deal that when I returned to Portugal, he would then cook a special Portuguese dish with crab. He loves cooking so I was ok with that deal. Especially since I have already tried his cooking. And seafood is involved. I wish I could have taken a picture of him smelling the cilantro. I have never seen anyone so in love with the smell of fresh herbs in my life. After the owner saw that when Pedro wasn't working he would come and talk to me, she was like, ok I get it. So the moral of the story was you don't need to have a lot of friends, just one is enough if its the right person. I appreciated the time he took out to talk to me and keep me company and am glad to call him my friend. 

Anyway, he also was telling me that he came from Coimbra which is where there are 3 universities. I did not get to go, but as I was driving through at 2 in the morning, I wished I had. It looked so beautiful and just so like the college town that I would want to work and live in. I wish I can go back when they are in session and experience the Coimbra culture. 

Anyway, my trip to Portugal ended with me traveling up north to Porto and flying out of Porto to Paris. Oh Portugal you have a special place in my heart! 

"What's meant to be will always find a way."- Trisha Yearwood

So this is part of a William update. He did not email me despite my hoping but I knew it was a long shot. That night and the night after it was a nice to feel pretty and popular. In LA, it is very rare for someone like me, who I consider myself to be perfectly average to stand out. Sometimes I think I'm so averagely average that it's boring. I've always felt like that. I even mentioned it once to a friend in high school and he turned to me and said "Do you know how many people would probably love to feel average?" And then it took some years and I realized that I have moments of averageness but in the grand scheme of things I am not average and it's a roller coaster of being on my A-game and sometimes not. But this is my long winded intro to the following post: 

Sometimes I feel that when I'm feeling really down about not meeting any guys I get these signs like my nights in London that kind of tell me to hold on, the person I'm supposed to be with is coming soon, don't give up yet and he'll be there. But when?! My friend Janet and some other people have accused me of being either too picky or not picky enough. But you know what? I'm picky because I know what I want. And when I met William and talked to him I recognized that this is what I want. He was smart, really smart, worldly, gentlemanly, interesting, interested and I found him to be really sexy mostly because he was so smart and smarter than most people I know. OH and he loved banter. He made it a point to point it out. And I love banter and we could have had adorable banter together if the music hadn't been so loud. And was he the person I am supposed to end up with? Probably not because I wouldn't be writing this post if that was the case. However, I recognized what I wanted when I saw him. The problem is I don't meet many men that fit into what I like. 

How hard is it to find someone that fits what you are looking for? Apparently the hardest thing in the world. But I'm ready. I am ready to meet someone. This trip has been years in the making. I have done the partying, the going out, the socializing I should have been doing when I was in my early 20s but do to an emotional stunted growth period, I waited until now. True, I am a little behind when it comes to some life experiences but I've had more than enough to make up for the ones that I am only now having. Am I doing it all a little backwards? Probably. But I think I can recognize it more now and reflect on it as an older person. But now that I have those life experiences that other people have, going abroad, being abroad and experiencing life abroad I am now ready to meet someone and have different types of experiences. 

Friends reading this, if you have an idea that I am asking to be set up with any random guy. I AM NOT! I know that when this idea pops into your head you find some random guy but that only shows me that either A) you hate me because they turn out to be losers or B) you don't know me at all and both cause me to be sad and upset at you. I would only set you up because I have put some serious thought into it and think you and this other person would hit it off. Please show me the same courtesy. Put some thought into it. 

I have come to the realization that currently, that I surround myself with men who offer me a little bit of what I want from the person I am supposed to be with so together, parts of all the men in my life morph into my perfect guy but only one comes close. And even then he's missing some things. Up until this point though, I have been comfortable to settle with my male friends making up for what I am missing. But no more. I am ready to go out into the world and let my guard down....I just need to meet the right guy to let my guard down. 

Everyone tells me he's out there....but I think he missed his train, plane, boat and car. 

Everyone loves an American girl

I went out again last night to the same pub, O'Neils, as the night before where I met William. I honestly didn't think I would run into him again (and I didn't in case any of my friends were planning on getting their hopes up). But I went because I liked the pub and hoped there would be the same band playing covers or some other form of live music. There was another band playing covers and the lead singer for this band was really good. A lot of energy and just very funny and personable.

As I was watching the band and the boxing match in the background, this man comes up to me and asks me if I am Brazilian. No good sir, I am not Brazilian. Oh where are you from he asked me. I am American, I'm from Los Angeles. He tells me, "Oh, I'm sorry, but that makes sense. I thought you were Brazilian because of your skin tone and you were watching the boxing match and Brazil is playing and I might add, you are very beautiful and I know Brazil is known for their beautiful people. But then so is Los Angeles, so that makes sense you are from Los Angeles." So for those of you that know me, I am not someone that people call beautiful. I'm just not and I understand that. I can pass for pretty when the light is right, I know I'm definitely cute but beautiful not so much. He introduces himself as Roberto from Italy. We talk for a little bit (not so much my type being an older gentleman but still nice to talk to) and I explain what I am doing here and we discuss the Italy education plight as it stands in the nation. He then goes to join his friends. Shortly after he returns and asks if I would like to join them and I politely decline. And then he tells me that one of the guys standing next to me wants to talk to me (cause he had been observing, either sweet or creepy, I don't know which yet) and doesn't know how. But Roberto didn't know what he was waiting for because I am very sweet and he should just talk to me already. So I nodded, Roberto says good-bye again and I leave to go upstairs because the band was finished at this point.

I also forgot to mention this about the night before when I met Ollie from Ireland. When he was chatting me up, he kept going on about how I have a beautiful smile. And he said this line to me, which now that I think about it I can't believe I left it out but he said to me "You have a beautiful smile. It's a real treat to make you smile. The guy who makes you smile is the luckiest guy." Isn't that super super sweet and just smooth? Too bad that he had to keep talking and become rude and crude. Maybe that's why I forgot to mention it before, I remembered his rudeness.

The night before, upstairs was not crowded when I went up there but last night it was already packed. As I walked around the area to see where a good place might be for me to be a wallflower I pack a group of about 5 guys ALL looking at me and watching me. I give them a half wave and proceed to get a drink. As I walk by them again, they drop a glass to the floor and it shatters EVERYWHERE causing me to stop and kind of look at the scene. Two of the five guys really start to chat me up. One of them was toooooo attractive for his own good. Within the first couple of sentences I KNOW they are Irish. Their accents were so thick and so stereotypical of what I imagined everyone in Ireland to sound like that I was surprised I didn't hear more when I was in Ireland. So after telling them about how I was just in Ireland and loved it and yada, yada, yada, they kind of adopt me into their little group.

I only remember one guys name Alan cause I was like...that's not Irish and I couldn't hear the others. Alan was not the one that was too attractive for his own good by the way. Alan looked like Seth Meyers from Saturday Night Live although I couldn't remember last night to tell him so it doesn't matter. But I also couldn't find another American to ask either. Anyway, people that travel will tell you that Australians know how to party. And trust me they do. Being on the cruise,  in Ecuador, traveling around currently, you want a good time, you find the closest Australians and get in good with them. What I learned last night (although it could have been the guys I was with) you want a wild time, you find the Irish and party with them. They were doing like drinking parlor tricks, and I never saw them without two drinks in each of their hands. The only thing I did not appreciate was that instead of putting their glasses down on a table or something they kept dropping them on the floor (which is why the glass dropped and broke right when I met them) or people would stop on them if they landed ok and break the glass. I think they must have been responsible for at least 30 broken glasses if not more. But anyway, they were a lot, a lot of fun!

I met some other Italians later in the evening and discussed the Italian Education system with them too. (I sense a pattern). And then left when the band left and even though I knew where I was going it still took me 2 hours to get back to my hostel and I got in at about 4:30!

It was a good night. I felt pretty and popular. Everyone needs one of those once in a while!

Thank you For such a lovely time William

I'm writing this on 4 hours of sleep so please forgive the nonsensical remarks as they come up. 

Last night after finding a temporary solution to my Mexican Food craving in London, I went to Piccadily Circus to try and watch some of the Olympic Games in the square like people would do in Times Square because to me Piccadilly Circus reminds me of Times Square: with the people and jumbo screens, the Broadway show signs, the theaters, etc. However, they weren't showing anything. So I remembered that there was an Irish pub I walked by the day before that I thought looked cool.
Maybe because it was in the middle of the mini Chinatown district I don't know. 

Anyway, I went by, grabbed a Snakebite which is a different drink in London and proceeded to watch the games. A Snakebite here by the way is half some beer I've never heard of, Budweiser and a red liqueur. Surprisingly good since I hate Bud. Well, much to my pleasant surprise there was a band, actually there were two bands (not Irish) that played music shortly after I arrived. They did all covers, but they were all sing your heart out as loud as you could covers! I loved it. I sang my little heart out with my Snakebite in hand and have a sight sore throat this morning because of it.

Despite the music though, and the drinks and the people around, I got that lonely feeling again. I don't know how people go to bars by themselves.  No one talked to me for a long while. When I got my second drink I went to go stand at the bar because I have found more people to be chattier at the bar. As soon as I got to the bar, this man, Ollie, starts chatting me up. He's from Ireland and has been living in London for about 10 years as an electrician. I would say he was handsome but his jokes were crude and badly timed and it got to the point where I was wishing I wasn't talking to anyone again. I promptly finished that drink and left with another drink in hand to go at least find a place to watch the games. 

There were a small group of people watching the TV, guys actually since it was a boxing match. I had only been there a minute when William leans over and asks me who I am cheering for. I was cheering for Italy because....I only just spent 6 weeks there, I'm part Italian and didn't even know what the other country was. And we naturally feel into a conversational rhythm. I wouldn't go as far to say we had banter, mostly because the music was tooooooo loud but he, like myself was a big fan of banter and I completely appreciated that. We talked about travel, about my time in Europe, his time in the US, how London and New York are very similar but both very different, history, museums etc. It was the type of conversation that you would look back and be like....damn, that was a good conversation, because it just was. He restored my faith in not only men you meet at bars, but just meeting people out socially. I enjoyed his company immensely. It was just refreshing to be talking to someone new, who wasn't creepy, old or crude. 

The night ended with him running into people he knew and me (being new to traveling past midnight in London) leaving at 2:30 to struggle how to get home. I ended up getting home 2 hours later half walking back, half finding the right buses to take me back. (Oh roundabouts and your tricky tricky ill marked signs!!!)

William was so passionate about the museums in the city that I asked him if he wasn't busy to join me at one of them and he could choose and told him to find me here, via my blog (he asked me what my blog was, programmed it into his phone and bookmarked it).  That is why I am writing this kind of early in the morning in the hopes that he sees this and we can somehow meet up. William, if you are reading this, not in a creepy way but I did enjoy your company and would like to hang out with you on the streets of London. (If you read some of my other posts, you can see I'm pretty normal.) I enjoyed your passion about the art, life and history and think it would be totally fun to go see a museum of just hit the streets of London with you and see it through a real Londoners eyes. If you want, you can email me at elizabethcemerald@gmail.com. Hope to hear from you!