Roses are red, Violets are blue, Kiah and I are in Lima, Without You

Yesterday started out just like any other. We slept in, woke up, got ready and left the military club...that we had stayed in the night before. We tried to find a coffee shop and without finding it, we wandered around Lima. We tried to find a place to get ceviche but I felt they were expensive for the amount I saw them give to other patrons so we found a place down the road that did not offer ceviche. We returned to the hotel at about 2, to get ready for the wedding. 

The night before, my friend Loren, emailed me to tell me that my friend and I would be picked up at 3:30 to go to another hotel and everyone would be caravaned over to the church. My friend's wife, Kathy, came by our room after this email and told us that the plans had changed and we would be going with my friend's aunt to the airport at 415 and my friend would pick up his mom at 330. As we were getting ready, we received a phone call from my friend's aunt at 330 asking about the details of the plan. She asked if we were ready cause our taxi was there. I went out to the lobby and saw that Loren's mom had already gotten in the taxi and drove off. So then a few minutes later, Kiah and I went to sit with the aunt and wait for our taxi. Soon, a taxi rolled up and my friend Loren stepped out of it. Uh oh, THAT was our taxi....but oh wait, the original taxi with Loren's mom pulled up right after Loren. Loren's mom came out of the taxi, upset because the driver didn't know where he was going AND when they found the church, no one was there. Loren's mom was still yelling as Loren stepped out of the car and I hugged him and he told Kiah, "Hi, welcome to Peru." After a few quick words we were off to the wedding. We got in the taxi that was meant for us and Loren and his mom got in the taxi he arrived in. But our driver told us he didn't know where he was going, so I finally got to use the phrase, "Follow that taxi!" Super cool. 

When we arrived at the church, we had to wait outside becuase there was a baptism inside. Loren's high school friend Catherine (who also goes by Cathy) and her husband, son and parents were all outside the church. Loren was talking to them when Catherine's mom walks up to me and Kiah and asks how we know Loren. I explained that I had gone to college with him and met him my freshman year of college and that Kiah was just my traveling buddy. Catherine's mom then said "oh, so you are the one that replaced Catherine." Sure grandma, if you want to look at it that way. But then....she said it AGAIN! She told someone else that "this is the girl that replaced Catherine." Ok lady. Point taken. 

Then....Kiah and I made a little friend. I should say Kiah made a little friend....and I just made a friend. Catherine and her husband's son, Andrew. Light, sandy hair, green eyes, cheesy smile and 2. He was super talkative and super smart. He kept me and Kiah pretty entertained throughout the evening. He kept wanting to arrange the seating but always wanted to keep sitting next to Kiah. Kiah made a new best friend. However, she was soon replaced by the flower girl. *Enter dramatic music here* The flower girl kept drawing happy faces in Andrew's coloring book and he was overwhelmed with her different happy faces that Kiah was soon forgotten. However, Andrew's night was cut short when he had to leave and it was past his bed time. He did not want to leave his new friend. He was reaching out for her. It was very sad. Love knows no language barriers...or age apparently. My friend was Catherine's mom who was a chatty Kathy. She talked, and talked, and talked, and talked. Catherine, Loren's friend, barely spoke to us and his wife Kathy, we barely saw. Despite the other Katherine's going by Kathy, the mom was the TRUE chatty Kathy. 

The wedding as you can imagine was very Catholic with the mass in Spanish and the up/down, up/down that goes along with any Catholic ceremony. It had it's punny moments with the priest talking about the perfect recipe of a happy marriage (Loren is a cook.) The ceremony ended and we were whisked away in a van. But wait, the driver that originally picked us up (cause you know, we had a driver) was the same driver that took us to the reception. All good things come full circle I suppose. 

The reception was beautiful: Open bar, specialized Peruvian drinks, great food, even better dessert. Yum. After a few hours, I finally got to talk and catch up with Loren. When we first sat down, we all noticed that there were bottles of whiskey on the table. I asked Loren if it was for the Americans and he said no, whiskey is very big in Peru. Most of their specialty drinks have whiskey. AND that the water and ice were for the Americans. Hmm, interesting. Loren also warned me that we had to wait til after 11 to leave because that's when the party really started. They had Peruvian dancers all throughout the night but at 11, it was a whole Mardi Gras theme. Loren had a crown, Kathy had feathers in her hair and everyone was given a long balloon (the kind that you make into balloon animals) to dance with and bounce around with. It was really cool to see. Loren thought at 11, they would have hats and bears for everyone, as that was the tradition. But no such luck so we had kind of a goofy photo but not a ridiculous one. At midnight, the dancers came back out after they changed and had hats and headbands for everyone. Loren brought me my personalized black hat that had black braids coming out of the sides. We took a thug photo with his new hat and mine. 

It rocked. I truly am grateful that I missed Loren's wedding in Lake Tahoe so I could make it to this one in Peru. It was totally a social experience worth having. 

“A good traveler has no fixed plans and is not intent on arriving."- Lao Tzu

Currently, Kiah and I sit in a Peruvian Chinese restaurant, alone....in a corner....sitting around empty tables that are set up for a wedding. 

We arrived this afternoon and went through customs with no problems. Our biggest problem was finding our driver. Yes, you read that correctly. We had a driver. My friend Loren and Kathy could not meet us at the airport so they hired a driver for us. He drove us for about half an hour and stopped outside the gate of a military base. He then proceeded inside after he got the ok and dropped us off. So I had an idea that we were staying in a military area from Loren but I had no idea that we were actually staying on a military base or military protected area.  I turned to Kiah and said "now you can tell your mom that you are staying at the safest place possible-a military base." 

It's only been a few hours but between my Spanish listening and understanding experience of more everyday conversation Spanish and Kiah speaking more of it in class in a formal setting, we make quite the Spanish traveling duo. I understand and she speaks and we are both quite happy with that. 

The flight was not the worst I've been on but not the best. We had at least 8 little kids on our flight. The ones that we thought would be the worst, did not sit near us and were relatively quiet. We were lucky to sit near these cute little girls. But one little girl did not stay quiet long and cried, CRIED throughout part of the flight. She always cried when I was in the middle of what seemed like one of my REM cycles. I could hear it through my headphones. And it wasn't just like a "I'm scared and crying" but it was "I'm scared and going to cry so much I choke and that will make me cry harder cry." And I sat next to an older man who did not understand "you only pay for one seat." He kept intruding on my space, and particularly elbowing me while I was trying to sleep. He also had the wonderful habit of biting his nails but his nails were so short that it was like he was just chomping at thin air since he couldn't reach his nails. AND even with all that, that still was not the worst flight I've been on. 

Now, we rest and try to catch up on sleep and tv. Tomorrow we get to see some sites, people getting married and eat some more yummy food. YAY! 

"Gold, when beaten, shines."-Peruvian Proverb

Proverbs are so weird. They really make you think, "am I interpreting that right?" Is it supposed to mean that. And I only get more confused if I know it has been translated because I wonder if or any of the message was lost in translation. But anyway, trying to find a title for this post, I came across some Peruvian proverbs and found this proverb to best describe our travel speed bumps (pun intended).

My friend Kiah and I are going to Peru in about two days. Kiah and I have never been to Peru. We are going to a wedding. One of my friends from college married his wife last year when I was in Europe and this is the religious wedding with her family and in her home town of Lima. Since neither Kiah and I have been to Peru, we decided to try and cram in as much stuff as possible. While planning our itinerary, we made sure two things were included: the wedding and Machu Picchu.

We had read so many blogs and got so many conflicting results of what was the best way to go about booking our trip we decided that we needed to plan and read together. We got together one day and literally mapped out a day by day tentative itinerary. We found out that many of the older blogs were outdated. Previously, there was not a maximum capacity of people that could visit Machu Picchu in one day. Today, they only allow 2,500 people a day to visit the Unesco World Heritage site. Not only that, if you wanted to go on one of the tours or hike one of the mountains, only 400 people are allowed to hike per day. So because we did not know what to expect, we started making reservations.

Kiah had the pleasure of trying to book Machu Picchu: http://www.machupicchu.gob.pe/ After several attempts of trying to book the trip, we realized that the site was just not working. Problem number 1. I contacted the Peruvian government agency through the website and realized that you have to translate the page in Spanish to make and then book your reservation. Problem number 2 is that you have to make sure to pay via Visa. And not only that, you have to call Visa before booking the trip so that way they can allow the transaction to go through. The service is called "Verified by Visa." If you are using a bank Visa, then contact your bank before hand and have the amount you are going to charge ready so they can mark it off to approve it. Also, Kiah had issues with her bank (Bank of America) and after several days of going back and forth with them, it was my turn to give it a shot. I called Chase, and got it all taken care of within the hour. (Shout out to Chase!) If you are going to call your bank, make sure you specify that you are trying to make an online payment for out of the country and mention "Verified by Visa". They will either transfer you to a "Verified by Visa" person or someone who does internet orders and can authorize it. The first time I called, it was a nightmare trying to try and explain what I was doing. The other two times, it took 5 minutes. I guess it all depends on who you get but just be have the time to spend on the phone.

But 10 DAYS LATER, we got our tickets. We were set. Now we could finalize everything. And hence why I picked this proverb. We were just so beaten down and frustrated that once we got our tickets, it was like "oooohh, I get it now. The world makes sense again."

After we got our Machu Picchu tickets in hand, we could now organize and book the rest of our trip. However, the more websites we went on, and the more we looked into it, we realized that the majority of the travel websites in Peru all operate through "Verified by Visa." What a pain! So then we decided I should book transportation and Kiah would book the hostels. Each time I had to make a payment, I had to call my bank and let them know the amount I would charge so they could authorize it and not block the transactions. But after our first 10 day Machu Picchu obstacle, the rest was a piece of cake and went by so quickly.

So for those of you trying to go to Peru and book Machu Picchu remember these few steps:
1) Plan early and make your reservations.
2) Make sure you have a Visa card.
3) Book your trip in Spanish and note the confirmation number they give you. You will need it to make the payment as once you leave that page, you will not see it again.
4) Call your bank with the amount you will be charging to authorize the payment.
5) And with the noted confirmation number, go back and make your payment through the Machu Picchu site within 6 hours because then they will release your reservation.

Hope our complications can help anyone that stumbles across this page!

Everyone's a little weird.

But can you hide your weirdness until I know you? I mean, yeah some people like to flaunt it and be like this is me. And if you are that person, I'm sure it's like a quirky, awkward weird and not like silence of the lambs I want to run for the hills weird. And to be quite honest with you, if you are bat shit crazy weird, I probably do want to know early on just to weed you out and not waste my time. But can we hide it a little better? I mean, if I can tell you are weird within the first couple of hours of  knowing you, you are not hiding it that well.

I get a decent amount of guys looking at my online profile and messaging me. But I probably only want to respond to 1 in 20 of them. Why? They don't seem to have any personality that comes through their profiles. The stereotype is that girls like to talk right? That they can talk a guy's ear off. So why do most of the guys that message me only respond with "Hi." It's not even a "hi, how are you?" "Hi, how is your day going?" Nope. Just hi. My profile specifically even says "if you start a conversation with only hi, I will not respond." Second of all, please pretend like you want to get to know me before you start off with DTF or wanna hook up? Seriously, I'm sure there are some girls that just are down for that, but wouldn't they just advertise that right off the bat? If I wanted that, don't worry, I'll let you know. Third of all, please try to have skimmed my profile and see if we'd really get along. I don't want to waste your time, and I don't want to waste my time. I know they say to play the numbers game, but just because they are physically attractive, doesn't mean you will get a long. Fourth of all, as you are skimming, If I am not using words like "u" instead of "you" or "ur" instead of "your" then I probably don't like that type of typing.

It's not that difficult to start an online relationship with someone just have a social consciousness of what message you are trying to convey and follow the other person's kind of grammatical style or general interests.

And my top 5 most weird "I just met you online but here is how I am weird" conversations are:

5) A guy, within about a day of emailing back and forth said to me "I like receiving anal. What do you think about that?" That's a weird thing to announce right off the bat, right? If that's your thing, that's cool. But I mean, if we were on the subject that's one thing but since we weren't....I kind of judge you as being weird.

4) A message I received said "You are so beautiful. I will be your slave. You can tell me to do anything for you. I will just follow you around." - Does anyone else seem creeped out by this?

3) This pertains to a previous post of the guy that said he wanted a girl with a huge ass and then proceeded to send me a profile picture of his ass asking if mine was bigger than his cartoonishly big ass. Also, within our first texting conversation.

2) A guy announced in his profile that there were legitimate circumstances for a girl to be raped.

Nope. Shut it down.

1) A guy messaged me and told me to check out his profile to see if I was interested. I went to check it out. Under "Things I like" was the following:
Guns
Violence
Rope
Blood

Does he get a little of game with that profile? Cause if so, who are the fucking weird-o girls that are saying "yes, that is ok. I want me a piece of that?!?!

I'd like to think that it's a generational thing but it is not. I have seen the gamete of 21 year olds to 50 year olds message me and only 1 in 20 seem worth responding to. Just....if it's super creepy weird then announce it to save us time. If it's quirky and endearing then I'm open to explore that type of weirdness.

Be You, And Be Ok With It

"Take chances, take a lot of them. Because honestly, no matter where you end up and with whom, it always ends up just the way it should be. Your mistakes make you who you are. You learn and grow with each choice you make. Everything is worth it. Say how you feel, always. Be you, and be ok with it." 

Now do I agree with the entirety of that quote? Nope, not really. Is everything really worth it? I'm reminded of the Modest Mouse song "If life's not beautiful without the pain, well I'd just rather never ever even see beauty again." And sometimes I feel like that. Maybe it's not really worth it. But then I think about the past and the good things that have transpired and I'm reminded that I wouldn't have truly appreciated them, and because I can't see the light at the end of this dark, relationshipless, dead endless job, and living at home tunnel that there isn't one right? 

Sometimes I regret leaving my previous job, but then I think to myself that if I had stayed, I might never have pushed myself to look for another job because....I had one. But now that I sit here in my new position looking to see what else is out there. Sometimes, I compare the job to the one I am in now and I think back about how I judged their inefficiencies and processes and now that I am in this position I think "By God, they were geniuses compared to where I am now." And that just goes the the first point of this post, I wouldn't have appreciated my previous position until I was in something comparatively less imaginative and more stifling then my previous one.  

People say I'm standoffish, or closed off. My friend who I have known for forever said I'm guarded. I happen to agree with that term more than others, guarded. I am very guarded. Why? Because I have been burned in the past. Throughout high school I thought the girls I would talk to were my friends, but they only talked to me to find out info about me to talk about me behind my backs and make fun of me. Throughout college, and various jobs, I found out that it kept happening. I realized that I'm terrible, completely awful at reading at how people feel about me. I can read other people on how they feel about others, but when it comes to me, I can't read people. Its like my own kryptonite. So I am guarded. I take my time getting to know people and let them dictate and set the terms of our friendship. Some people say I'm a pushover, they are walking all over me, but I look at it as being guarded until I understand who they are as a person and understand our friendship. I'll put it this way, and this is the real deal. If I am completely open to you, not standoffish and we don't know each other very well, it's because you are a passing person and we probably will not very many encounters after these first few. If you find me guarded, standoffish or shy, it's because I do like you and want to take the time to understand you. And you to understand me.

I am awful at confrontations. The scariest thing someone can say to me are variations of "We need to talk." I will do everything to avoid that conversation. I will lie, cheat, push and runaway from you to hold the conversation off as long as possible. So the idea to take a chance with much of life scares me. But nothing more than relationships particularly romantic relationships. I mean, not that I've been in a romantic relationship either lasting more than a couple of weeks in the last few years, but the idea of becoming vulnerable to anyone frightens me.

I am ok with me. I draw my line, very, very close to me. So when you cross that line, and I finally tell you, and show you how I feel, I sometimes blow up because it's been building up for so long that it surprises you. I have realized that because as humans we all compartmentalize each other, that people often put me in the box that they want me to be in, but not the box I want them to put me in. So when I get upset, I show that I am hurt, or mad or frustrated, people usually don't know how to react and don't allow me to move out of that box, even if it's temporary and often times, that changes the nature of our relationship. Another reason I suppose that I am so guarded.

Sometimes I could so very easily say what I want. But I often feel that I find myself being caught up with how you view me and risk rocking that boat instead of showing you the real me and making you take me as I am or leaving me. So what I want you to know is that, I probably care more about what you think of me than I should. So what I show you the real, uncontrolled me, let me be me. Please and thank you. 

Wazers unite

Do you know the application Waze? It’s a map application to help you navigate around traffic with updated traffic and obstacles by other users. However, the greatness of the application is determined by the other users. Usually, I don’t listen to my Waze. Sometimes the lady is a little bit of a pain and doesn’t like making left turns. Sometimes I’m not in a hurry and while the other way might be 2 minutes faster, I want to go this way because I want to stop by Starbucks.

On my way to Vegas, my estimated time of arrival changed with an addition of 40 minutes on the road. Then I heard the sound I wanted to hear “A faster route has been found”. My Waze directed me off the freeway and I drove like the wind on a side road that paralleled the freeway. I was cruising right along where I passed the accident and was wondering “how come no one else is on this road?” With about 3 miles left on the road, I come to a road closure on that stretch of high way. “NOOOO!” I shouted and cursed into the wind. Oh, well there is another road here, I wonder if it’ll work…..driving down the road about 5 miles, I can to the end of a dirt road that just faded into the desert. Damn it. I turned around and at the point of the road closure, saw cars caravanning through the desert to get back on the freeway past the point of the accident. I then proceeded to get inline and update my Waze so other’s wouldn’t make the same mistake I did.

But as I was in line, the trailer that was leading the pack got stuck in the sand and while kicking up dirt, I decided to just go back half way and get on the freeway entrance I had previously passed. Luckily though, the truck that had overturned was pushed off to the side and traffic was once again moving. But Wazers, if you had taken the time to update the road closure (cause I doubt I was the first person to have seen it) I wouldn’t have been misled. I was thanked several times through the application for updating the roads. You could have been thanked too. So Wazers, take the time to update the major things to help us save time for the small things.

Online Dating

I have online dating stories for days. And I shouldn't even call it online dating, but online interactions that don't go much further than that because they are weird.

I have a couple online dating profiles and look at them when I'm bored. I don't actively engage conversation with members of the opposite sex and haven't updated my profile in at least over a year. I do get messages from a guy here or there and most of the time either A) the only thing they say to me is "hi" (which is not a great conversation starter) or B) they have said something else other than "hi" but they have chosen to display a bathroom selfie of themselves as the picture they would like to be judged by. If they have passed the initial stage of saying something more than one word to me and have a decent picture and even may look cute, I will then proceed into their profile. Usually I find something that is a deal breaker: sexual encounter, smoker, kids, etc. At that moment, I will close up the dating online profile and call it a day.

The other day, a guy by the name of Jose messaged me with "and here i am that somebody.....hey cool girl i hope my pictures do me justice in portraying my coolness i ooze and secrete coolness from every pore LOL hey if you're cool enough then maybe just maybe ill let YOU take ME out on a date LOL (that was a joke in case u missed it or sensitive to sarcasm part of my persona) so if u like what u read and see then u know what to do!!"


Yes, the grammar drove me crazy and there is no punctuation anywhere in this message other than the end, AND he wrote u instead of you, but it was a real message and silly enough to get my attention. The picture on his profile was not a selfie and did not appear to be in the bathroom. Yes, he's on a role. I then looked inside the profile and as sarcastic and ridiculous as it was, it made me laugh and looked innocent enough. So I messaged him back. That was probably the first message I responded to in a long time. He then messaged me again asking me to text him because he didn't like checking the site that often. Ok, I can understand that. 
The proceeding explains why I don't like rushing into a texting, phone relationship when it is clear there is not any foundation to the relationship. I just needed the reminder.

Me-Hi Jose....it's me Elizabeth, the sarcastic and witty girl you messaged. How are you?


Jose-Here at your disposal. Just go easy on me.
Me-Psh, you go easy on me...and before I forget your hair looks better shorter.
Jose-Send me a pic for my contacts please. (And I send him a very, but dorkable photo for his contacts. He then sends me 4.)
Jose-So what are u doing right now and what brings u to the site
Me-Right now I'm just laying down trying to cool down. And I work a lot and don't really go out so it's hard to meet people. Yourself?
Jose-As for me looking to date and just playing it by ear and see what bestows from it. Been single for 5 months now. 
Me-Ah. I gotcha. I've been single for a lot longer than that but also just want to play it by ear
Jose-So what race was ur ex and what caused the banana split? (Why is his race relevant at all to this conversation?)
Me-My ex was white and he went back to his ex. Why did you two split. 
Jose-Went back to his ex?? I guess you weren't performing your duties ;)
Me-It was also long distance so hard to perform anything
Jose-Where did u meet him?
Me-Online...it was a while ago. (also an tale as old as time tale but another day) But we don't have to talk about him...cause that's weird. We have plenty of other things to talk about.
Fast forward a few texts.
Me-What type of girls are you into?
Jose-well for me I love short thick girls and I have a thing for big butts. Lol. No pressure. Has to be funny loyal honest and sincere. Affectionate great kisser and cuddler. Lovable caring and just overall fun to be around with.....well......do you qualify my dear?
Me-I know I'm a great cuddler. I got that locked. The rest, I would say yes. And maybe too honest at times but overall I'd say I'm more genuine but in general yes.
Jose-Even the big butt part??
Me-Yes. Per many telling me. Not like corporate big ass but like tasteful big ass
Jose-Well lets just hope your butt is bigger than my cottage cheese butt ;)
Me-Haha yeah it would be embarrassing if we could wear the same size pants. 

Jose then sends me the following picture:



with the caption: "I don't think you're ready for this jelly ;)"






Jose-What do you think? 

Me-Uh, I'm going to go to bed. Night. 
I. Don't. Get. It. 

Dear single, normal, good sense of humor male....please save me soon.